if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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