he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
