My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
