Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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