operation have a gay friend backfired
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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