Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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