We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
