I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
