So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
