u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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