i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
