hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
