i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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