The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
