I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
