Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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