nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
