addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We need to get me chipped asap
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
