I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
