have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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