Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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