Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
