Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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