Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
