i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
