the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
