just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
