I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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