I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
