look no pants
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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