I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
4 words: hood of his car
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
