Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
