apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
