i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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