I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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