this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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