we have officially lost it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
