She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
