he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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