you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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