The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
