I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
