did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I did not marry a roomba.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
