R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
