I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
