I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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