No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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