I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
