I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there's paper in my vomit.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
