just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
