Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
