I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
