You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
