They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
