I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
