The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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