shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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