I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
