I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sorry my hands just texted you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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