Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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