he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
