We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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