please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
