i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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