did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tell your sister to shave her snatch
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
