I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
