I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my being single is dangerous.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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