he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
