i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
