Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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