I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
