it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
