Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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