I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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