Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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