Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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