I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
